Hey Joe

Could’ve been a winner boy, you moved quite well...

Billy Hairlip Haislip Squier

Haislip? WTF?

Relax Stroke Lovers, he's not dead, he's only your Friday Random Celebrity Update.

For those of you whose high school career occurred in the early 80's, your school dances were likely chockfull of the musical offerings of Mr. Billy Squier.

Personally, never having attended any school dances because I was a loser an independent thinker who wasn't about to insert a ring in his nose and allow himself to be led around by the unwashed masses doing whatever they deemed "popular", I wouldn't know. Perhaps one of you popular kids lemmings could confirm this for me.

Anyway…

His classic album, Don't Say No (1981) totally burned up the charts, spending 111 weeks on the Billboard where it peaked at #5. The following singles also charted:

• "The Stroke"               #17
• "In The Dark"              #35
• "Lonely Is The Night"   #28
• "My Kinda Lover"         #45

Born and raised in Wellesley, MA, Squier began playing piano at age 9 and guitar at age 11. His first band, the Bluesbreakers, included a couple of friends from high school. After graduation he began playing in local night clubs. Other early Squier bands were the Sidewinders and Piper.

Squier enjoyed a decent amount of success in the 80's, following Don't Say No with Emotions in Motion and Signs of Life. All three albums went platinum.

I think the death knell for Billy Squire was the video for Rock Me Tonight from his Signs of Life album. Seriously, WTF was he thinking? Prancing around in a pink tank top, dancing like a f*cking homosexual retard. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against homosexuals or retards, but Billy, choose one or the other. Either would have been fine, but combined it was just too much for the viewing public to handle. I also heard just the other day (no lie) on the radio that Squier was kind of a jackass to interviewers and radio folk, and that eventually everybody just got fed up with his sh*t and stopped supporting him.

I don't' really know what he's up to these days. I read that, in addition to enjoying dancing like a retarded homosexual mountain climbing and gardening, he also wrote a screenplay. I do know that he has done a stint or two with Ringo Starr's All Star Band.

I think he also counsels hair lips, but that could just be bullsh*t.

Really old Beaver

That title ought to bring some interesting search hits.

(Eddie Haskell, Beaver and Wally Cleaver)

"No matter how young you feel, this one hurts. . ."

Tragedy, with a capital T that rhymes with B and that stands for Beaver.

Like Skippy's doing any better?

In addition to child actor, musician (aka construction worker) and cover boy for Clearasil, Brian Bonsall can now add probation server to his resume.

Bonsall, who played cute little nipper, Andy Keaton in the flailing years of Family Ties, pleaded guilty to third-degree assault last Friday. The case involved Bonsall and his girlfriend and something about alcohol, choke holds and steak knives. I really couldn't be bothered with the details.

However, the incident did spark a new blog category, Celebrity Career Death, so my thanks to Brian for acting as my muse.