Pestilence and famine and smudges. Oh my.

This, my friends, is an Ass-Gasket ©; that tissue-papery disposable that sits between your bare ass and the public toilet seat.

So as not to have to take my camera into the bathroom, instead I brought the Ass-Gasket© to my cubicle. Very similar to bringing the mountain to Mohammed, but quite different.

The Ass-Gasket © is an optional item. Some use it, some don't. For example, in Turkey, thanks to the Squatty Potty, they have no need for it. But here in the states it is another matter.

For many years, to use or not use the Ass-Gasket © was a non-issue for me because I was incapable of "stocking the pond with wrinkle-necked brown trout" anywhere but my home pond. But as I got older and less neurotic (or less capable of holding it in for eight hours), I overcame most of my public restroom apprehension.

Even still, for years I never really bothered much with the Ass-Gasket © until, a few years ago when a co-worker warned me about another co-worker who left…a smudge…on the back end of the seat.

Ewww.

As you can imagine, the pros and cons of the Ass-Gasket© is a topic debated exhaustively by idiots and lay-abouts everywhere:

"They're too much trouble, and that stupid flap never tears out neatly, or else it dips into the bowl and the next thing you know the entire gasket is getting sucked away with the courtesy flush."

Rebuttal.

"Why in heavens name would you not want some barrier of protection between your ass and the millions of microscopic germs that populate the public toilet seat? Is a little inconvenience worth the possibility of asshole rot?"

Like the existence of God and aliens, the eternal Ass-Gasket© debate rages on.

Now ever since I was made privy to "the smudge", I've employed an Ass-Gasket © when doing my business.

But I don't use them as illustrated above - covering the entire seat and using that little hole flap. (Why is that even there in the first place? Why not just make them with a hole and NO flap?) I simply fold it at the crease and lay it gently over the rear end (HA) of the toilet seat, thereby protecting me from any possible…smudge substance.

I can't begin to imagine why any of you would remotely care about this tidbit of information, though it certainly reinforces the hypothesis that bloggers are presumptuous, sanctimonious as*holes.

And I think that's something we can all agree on.

Comments

[Ass Gasket Expert]

That flap is actually left on there, because it is designed to be dipping into the water of the toilet, when you use it. This allows the entire gasket to automatically be pulled/sucked into the water, when you flush the toilet, without you having to touch it, or the seat. It usually works quite well, too. Voilà

[HJ]

That was the round-about way of getting to your point.

And pump action mayonnaise cannon? That's gross.

[clyde]

when i awake, i shower. during said shower, i use soap over the entirety of my body. i then put on two layers of clothing over my male toolkit. my hands remain exposed throughout the day. i may shake hands with a dozen people. i touch all manner of things. when i go to the men's room to take a leak (which is a sterile liquid, btw), my publicly exposed hands touch my otherwise pristine-from-the-shower-to-dual-layer-of-clothing ankle spanker. why do i wash my hands afterward? it would seem more logical to wash said pump-action mayonnaise cannon.

smudge aside, methinks there is a parallel to the cleanliness of my ass.

but that's just my opinion. i could be wrong.