Listen up. A breaking report has just crossed my desk.
It appears that, despite his, fascist leanings, total disregard for human life, and general assholish nature, Vladimir Putin loves Neil Diamond. So much so that he recently bestowed a state decoration on Jonathan Livingston Seagull, the beloved bird from Diamond's 1973 album and a feature film of the same name.
As many will likely not recall, Jonathan Livingston Seagull (JLS) "tells the story of a young seabird who, after being cast out by his stern flock, goes on an odyssey to discover how to break the limits of his own flying speed."
Diamond's soundtrack about the plucky seabird cast out of his flock for daring to go beyond the barriers of normal sea-gullary was a huge hit for the Brooklyn-born composer. With such religious-leaning hits as Be, Skybird, and Dear Father, the album was appropriated by Catholic churches in the 1980s and used to indoctrinate teens into what was referred to as the Be Program, a weekend replete with the lighting of candles, the spilling of guts, and the belief that we teens did, in fact, matter.
Anyway, on Monday, Russian President Vladimir Putin bestowed a state decoration on JLS - the Russian Order of Friendship, a reward presented to Russian and foreign nationals whose work, deeds, and efforts have been aimed at the betterment of relations with the Russian Federation and its people.
That's weird. I didn't know birds could claim citizenship. In any event, congratulations on the honor, JLS, and to you, Russia. You've got one hell of a seabird there.
What's that? The award was actually given to Steven Seagal?
Never mind.
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