Writer #1: "OK, so maybe this week Charles can help a kindly old widower find meaning in his life again. It will give Charles another chance to be all warm and fuzzy, maybe lay hands on him or something?"
Writer #2: "No, we did that story line last month using a widow. How about if Charles helps a kindly black family whose father was fired from his job by the racist mill owner in a neighboring town? Charles can get him a job at the mill where he works, put them up at his home, and remind him that we're all God's children thereby restoring his faith in the intrinsic goodness of man."
Writer #1: "No, that was our season premier back in '82. How about if the kids find a stray dog, which of course Charles will allow them to keep, but then it contracts rabies while defending Laura from a rabid boar, which requires Charles to put him down? Charles can give a heartfelt talk to the girls about love, pet heaven, and letting go. Plus it will allow us to shoot lots of close ups of a teary-eyed Charles."
Writer #2: No one loves a good close up of Charles crying more than me, but we did a similar story when Mrs. Olsen ran over Mary's cat with her horse and buggy. How's if Charles adopts an Italian immigrant boy whose widowed father was killed by some unsavory "big city" types, forcing the boy to go all "Artful Dodger-like" on the streets of Walnut Grove? Charles could teach him the importance of forgiveness rather than vengeance, while laying hands and tearing up of course."
Writer #1: "I like it, but it smacks of that Godfather tribute we did back in '76. OK, try this one. We discover that Charles' friend, Isaiah, has a drinking problem. He gets fired from his job at the mill and the family is in danger of becoming destitute. Mrs. Olsen has cut off their line of credit at the mercantile and the family is forced to become wandering minstrels. Charles can tear up, pray over the father, counsel him on the evils of alcohol, and convince other closet drinkers to come forward in support, thereby giving birth to the first chapter of AA."
Writer #2: "No, we already did a similar episode when Mrs. Ingalls teared up while counseling a woman addicted to laudanum, which resulted in the birth of the first PTA. Hells bells, I'm really stumped. We need something new, something original, something the Ingalls have yet to encounter."
Writer #1: "Wait, I've got it! A performing midget promises his dying wife that he'll quit the circus, settle down, and raise their daughter in normal surroundings. So he moves to Walnut Grove. Hi-jinx and tears ensue!"
Writer #2: Good Lord, man. I don't know if you're a genius, or crazier than a two-peckered monkey, but I love it. Let's roll!
Good Lord man, but do I ever need a job.