Hey Joe

Little House on the Prairie - a pitch meeting

 

Writer #1: "OK, so maybe this week Charles can help a kindly old widower find meaning in his life again. It will give Charles another chance to be all warm and fuzzy, maybe lay hands on him or something?"

Writer #2: "No, we did that story line last month using a widow. How about if Charles helps a kindly black family whose father was fired from his job by the racist mill owner in a neighboring town? Charles can get him a job at the mill where he works, put them up at his home, and remind him that we're all God's children thereby restoring his faith in the intrinsic goodness of man."

Writer #1: "No, that was our season premier back in '82. How about if the kids find a stray dog, which of course Charles will allow them to keep, but then it contracts rabies while defending Laura from a rabid boar, which requires Charles to put him down? Charles can give a heartfelt talk to the girls about love, pet heaven, and letting go. Plus it will allow us to shoot lots of close ups of a teary-eyed Charles."

Writer #2: No one loves a good close up of Charles crying more than me, but we did a similar story when Mrs. Olsen ran over Mary's cat with her horse and buggy. How's if Charles adopts an Italian immigrant boy whose widowed father was killed by some unsavory "big city" types, forcing the boy to go all "Artful Dodger-like" on the streets of Walnut Grove? Charles could teach him the importance of forgiveness rather than vengeance, while laying hands and tearing up of course."

Writer #1: "I like it, but it smacks of that Godfather tribute we did back in '76. OK, try this one. We discover that Charles' friend, Isaiah, has a drinking problem. He gets fired from his job at the mill and the family is in danger of becoming destitute. Mrs. Olsen has cut off their line of credit at the mercantile and the family is forced to become wandering minstrels. Charles can tear up, pray over the father, counsel him on the evils of alcohol, and convince other closet drinkers to come forward in support, thereby giving birth to the first chapter of AA."

Writer #2: "No, we already did a similar episode when Mrs. Ingalls teared up while counseling a woman addicted to laudanum, which resulted in the birth of the first PTA. Hells bells, I'm really stumped. We need something new, something original, something the Ingalls have yet to encounter."

Writer #1: "Wait, I've got it! A performing midget promises his dying wife that he'll quit the circus, settle down, and raise their daughter in normal surroundings. So he moves to Walnut Grove. Hi-jinx and tears ensue!"

Writer #2: Good Lord, man. I don't know if you're a genius, or crazier than a two-peckered monkey, but I love it. Let's roll!

Good Lord man, but do I ever need a job.

Who the hell are Jon and Kate Gosselin?

And why do so many people care about them?

Really old Beaver

That title ought to bring some interesting search hits.

(Eddie Haskell, Beaver and Wally Cleaver)

"No matter how young you feel, this one hurts. . ."

Tragedy, with a capital T that rhymes with B and that stands for Beaver.

Speed could use a little meth

The other day Blockbuster sent me a Speed Racer DVD containing about a dozen of the original episodes.

Having grown up with Speed Racer, I had high hopes for a good time racing down memory lane, but I've got to be honest and say that overall it kind of blew.

The main problem with Speed Racer is that it's boring. As a kid I remember a lot of fighting, and cool car races with spectacular crashes and explosions. The fights and crashes were still there, but as an adult what really stood out to me were the long, boring stretches of cars just racing with nothing else happening. Oh, and the dialog is really corny and sexist, which was sort of enjoyable.

One thing I always remembered from the series was the episode with Trixie's dream. In her dream Speed pulls up in the Mach 5, jumps out and stands there with his back to her. She runs up behind him and when he whirls around he's turned into a devil.

This episode scared the crap out of me as a kid. For more than 30 years I've remembered this scene, and in my mind it still seemed scary. However through the beauty of YouTube I was able to watch this scene again. Click HERE if you dare.

It's interesting how what the child's mind considers pants crappingly scary, just seems hokey to the adult. Watching this scene today, I can see that Speed looks more like a cat than a devil, however after watching it my memory still tells me that it's scary, even though my present mind just saw it and thought it was stupid. Strange, huh?

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go change my shorts.

Take a Ride in the Wayback Machine

 
Who remembers this old Public Service Announcement? A boy and his grandfather are in a little rowboat fishing when the following conversation ensues:

Boy: Grandpa, yesterday Jimmy said I was prejudiced.
Grandpa: Do you know what prejudice is?
Boy: No
Grandpa: Well, prejudice is when you react to someone because of their religion, or their color.
Boy: But I don't do that!
Grandpa: Who is Jimmy?
Boy: Jimmy's one of my Jewish friends.
Grandpa: Then you are prejudiced, because you think of Jimmy as your Jewish friend, and not your friend.

Boy learns a valuable lesson about acceptance before sewing rocks in his pockets and stepping out of the boat, rather than live with the shame.