Friday March 5 6:22 PM
So it's Friday night. I'm sitting in my room at the San Damiano Retreat house in Danville California. My dad and I are attending the annual St. Bonaventure's Men's retreat for the first time in, I think, three years. I'm not sure what possessed us to go this year. Dad decided to go and asked if I was interested. While I don't always feel up to a religious weekend, I do like to spend time with my dad when I get the chance. Time goes quickly and I don't want to look back years from now and say "I wish…"
I don't think I'm what you'd call a "religious person." I have my moments of enlightenment when a revelation strikes, or when I'm feeling particularly spiritual. But often times I feel like a fraud, like everyone else gets it but me.
Anyway, right now the "meet and greet" is going on in the Fireside Lounge, a stone's throw from the Lido Deck where Isaac is mixing cocktails and Julie McCoy is organizing a snipe hunt for later this evening. I came back to my room for a spell. I like my alone time. I brought the laptop but can't find any wireless connection.
Anyway, suppose I should go back downstairs and mingle; have some wine and/or beer, or some wine and beer. Also brought a few fingers of vodka. Maybe we'll drink a toast to God.
9:25 PM Random reflections:
We are not created to do, we are created to be.
We did not exist until the time of our creation. Our individual creation has a purpose, and our journey is our own. We are not just flesh and blood. Why am I who I am with my experience, thoughts, etc, and you're you? There's an essence that makes you, you and me, me. For me, that essence proves the existence of God.
Saturday March 6 12:03 AM
Hung out with my brother-in-law for two hours talking. Drank some vodka to stave off the cold. Need to figure out how to set the alarm on my cell phone so that I don't miss breakfast…
Damn these paper-thin walls! The snoring of my neighbor sounds like a man accosting a badger. God, please send a few well aimed lightning bolts straight up his hairy nostrils – Amen.
Could have used more sleep but I'm up and ready for breakfast. The boy should be in Antelope by now for the first of three soccer games. Go Rage!
The biggest problem I have on these retreats is that I'm unable to clear my mind of the day to day. We're supposed to think about where we are spiritually in our lives, but my thoughts and my life are too scattered to focus.
A penance service is underway; not my bag, baby. Don't get me wrong, I've got stuff I could confess but I'd rather schedule a private convo with the boss rather than one of his subordinates. Thinking about taking a short nap before we meet at 9:30 in the chapel, but if I fall asleep I may not wake up until morning. I'm pretty beat. Four of us took a hike up into the hills this afternoon. Legs are going to be sore tomorrow.
Meant to go to bed earlier tonight. What happened? A booze fueled retreater cornered me in the Fireside Lounge for a long conversation. It's all good though.
Sunday March 7 6:18 PM
Home again. Back to the real world. It's good to be home though, nestled in the bosom of my family. I missed them. Speaking of bosoms, after 48-hours with dudes, I missed those too.
(View from our hike)