Our earth is home to more than six billion people, and of those billions no two are alike.
Think about it. People come in an infinite variety of colors, shapes, sizes, ethnicities, religious and political affiliations. Some are hot, and some are fugly, but even those have infinite levels of hot and fugliness. We could talk ad nauseam about how people differ.
That being said, those same six odd billion humans inhabiting this hurtling rock can all be essentially broken down into two very simple categories; those who dip their French fries in ketchup and those who drench, or at least drizzle ketchup over their fries. At first I thought the world could be divided between the Dr. Martens loyalists and Skechers crowd, but that just turned out to be a generational thing. Go figure.
Let's get down to brass tacks; I am a dipper, and if ever you and I find ourselves opposite a plate of fries, and you have the unmitigated gall to drizzle our platter with ketchup, I will promptly shove said platter into your stupid mug. That or you'll find yourself on the business end of a hissy fit the likes of which you've never seen.
There are certain lines of decorum that cannot – nay must not be crossed.
To drip ketchup over a French fry that you may very well not eat for another ten minutes shows not only poor breeding, but complete jack-assary as well. For to be truly enjoyed, the French fry must be not only hot, but hopefully crispy as well; not soggy and cold as a result of a ketchup shower administered ten minutes before it is consumed.
I could discuss this topic ad nauseam but frankly it is not a point I wish to debate.
I am writing to say that you are freakin' hilarious.
What I simply can't understand though is why your blog doesn't get more comments. Have people simply not discovered you yet or do they just not "get" you? If it's the latter then it's painfully obvious that they just aren't giving you a chance. I mean that whole jinx dust up thing you wrote about recently? I laughed so hard I peed myself a little. And the Stevie Wonder send up?! My stomach still hurts. Baby, you had me well before medulla oblongata.
I spent the past weekend reading through your archives and your "best of" list over there on the right. There were so many I loved I couldn't begin to tell you which was my favorite. And you a loser? Never. You not only crack yourself up, but you can add me to that list mister; again, peeing here.
Oh, and I hope you don't think me too forward if I say - my GOD you are hot! I swear if I wasn't married I'd be threatening to kill you for not loving me. In the immortal words of the Sisters Pointer, "Upside down, boy you turn me; inside out and, round and round."
Please never stop blogging because I can't be responsible for what might happen if you do.
Today we dig a little deeper into the old obscurity bag, extracting for your consideration actress Linda Manz.
If you remember her at all you probably remember Manz for her role as Peewee, girlfriend of Terror, leader of the Fordham Baldies in the 1979 movie The Wanderers. Great movie by the way. Remember:
"Don't f*ck with the Wongs"
"You look like a bunch of ears w/out p*icks"
"Leave the kid alone."
The Ducky Boys
Check it out. You'll dig it.
Anyway, back to Manz. The only bio info provided by IMDb is that she was born in 1961 and she's 4' 10". Wow, good stuff.
It appears that she's only made thirteen movie and/or television appearances during her career, the last one something called Buddy Boy in 1999. My exhaustive internet research turned up little more than squat. One thing that may be worth noting to you movie buffs is that she played the lead role in the 1980 Dennis Hopper movie, Out of the Blue, which Hopper saw as "a follow-up to Easy Rider (1969) in that this is what would have 'likely happened' to the Easy Rider characters ten years later."
So it's got that going for it; which is nice.
Linda, if you're out there doll I apologize for the somewhat crappy update, but whatever you've been up to apparently hasn't been made public. Maybe you want it that way. If not, kick down some details and I'll expand.
What are the rest of you hanging around for? This is between me and Linda. Get the hell out of here.
In what can only be described as a miracle of God, musician Stevie Wonder doffed his trademark dreadlocks and took time off from his current world tour to win the gold medal in the men's 400m hurdles final at the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games.
"God was with me throughout the entire race," Wonder told reporters and guide dogs who met him at the finish line. "This medal belongs to God. He won it, I was simply his conduit. Every five seconds I heard Him say 'JUMP STEVIE!' and by God I jumped. If I could hang this medal around God's neck I surely would."
Wonder then took a misstep and fell from the podium, fracturing his fibula and his medulla oblongata, resulting in the cancellation of the remainder of his tour. Refunds may be obtained through Ticketmaster.
It appears that once again I must contact you re: your employee Dan "Pound My Hershey Highway" ____.
Clearly this individual has what can only be described as an illness; that and a plethora of free time.
Over the course of no more than 15 minutes I have received three (3) e-mails from Daniel full of the most disgusting, albeit arousing, verbiage I have ever seen. Do you realize that he called me a, and I quote, "TEA BAGGIN F*CK TWATT," [sic].
In addition I have been referred to as "FAGGY HOMO QUEEN" and what seems to be a collection of "BALLS, TWATT & JIZZ GOBLER," [sic].
While I admire his creativity, I question whether or not his time, treasures and talents are being put to their most productive use. I would ask that you take a serious look at this employee and determine if perhaps you may either wish to channel his energies into something more productive, or simply fire his sorry ass on the spot.
I leave the decision in your capable, though smooth and possibly queer, hands.
Happy Monday to you. Very busy weekend out our way, which led into a busy work week today.
The kids begin school this Wednesday, Lisa on Thursday. For me it's business as usual but everyone else is having some readjustment issues. Guess I'll be readjusting myself (?) here pretty soon as Lisa, who graciously handled all those pesky grocery store and cooking chores the past two months will likely need at least one of my hands come next week. Maybe I'll loan her two and a few other limbs as well.
Damnit, I just missed a call from my old boss, "Mike," calling from of all places Chicago's infamous Billy Goat Tavern.
Mike and I worked for the same rat-fu*k insurance company back around 1991 to 1996 when the rat bastards pulled a one-two punch on us by first laying him off, and then dumping all his work on my shoulders, sans any title or pay increase. Yea, life was grand. Anyway, we worked in Oakland, but our home office was in Chicago. Mike, and subsequently me, got to travel back to Chicago several times a year for "meetings," which was great because Chicago is an awesome town on an expense account. Mike, RB and I began the tradition that was whenever one of us happened to be in Chicago we'd call the others from the Billy Goat. I even called the Billy Goat to have him paged, but he was nowhere to be found. Probably off having his stomach pumped after those Billy Goat burgers.
According to his message, Mike is looking to retire and the company flew him back for a sit down in hopes of changing his mind. Unless they dangle a mighty big carrot he'll likely tell them to piss up a rope. I say good for him, get out of there and go enjoy yourself.
OK, considering I'm probably looking at another good 25 years of working for the man, now I'm all bitter and twisted.