Welcome to the middle, Stan

So the never-ending saga that is Constant Reader Stan's life has just taken a very interesting turn. OK, perhaps "turn" is too gentle a term, as it conjures up tranquil visions of a winding country road and a leisurely Sunday drive. So let's substitute "turn" for multiple car roll-over with resultant pile up and likely fatalities. That or a kick in the taint.

Stan is about 35 years of age, eldest of two; currently single (see past post for just a few of the reasons), the product of a more or less a normal, middle class upbringing. With the exception of a lack of regular female companionship, Stan's life is rolling along rather nicely; there's steady work, frequent camping trips, the occasional opportunity to rock the decks (need to clarify this term please Stan) and endless supplies of room-temperature Budweiser. The highway is straight and smooth. Yes I think it's fair to say that things are rolling along rather nicely.

But wait! What's that up ahead? Seems there's a strange protuberance looming out of the otherwise velvety tarmac of Stan's life. Let's listen in:

INT. KITCHEN – EARLY EVENING

Mother of Stan (obviously emotional)

I have some news for you.

STAN (becoming concerned)

What? What is it mom?

M.O.S.

In the late 60's, when I was 21….your father and I had a son that we gave up for adoption.

STAN offers a blank stare

M.O.S.

I realize that for 35 years you've lived under the assumption that you're my oldest son and that you and your younger brother are our only children, but you've been living a lie. We all have. You have an older brother…and apparently a sister-in-law and two nephews.

STAN (stammering)

I…I have a Racer X? What does that make me? Speed? Sparky? Freakin' Chim-Chim??

M.O.S.

I've carried this secret for years and have wanted to tell you. I probably wouldn't have chosen this particular moment to break the news, but out of the blue I received a letter from him, along with photos of my….grandchildren.

STAN

Gaaaahhhh

M.O.S.

I imagine you're pretty well shaken about all this.

STAN

Rocked is more the case. I need to be alone for awhile to drive around aimlessly before eating some red meat at Izzy's Steak House.

M.O.S.

I understand. You take some time to let it sink in before moving your things out of Racer X's room. He is older, after all, and deserves the larger room. You've had it long enough.

STAN

Gaaaaahhhhhh…aAAK

To be continued….