Here at Duggan's it’s all about YOU. Grieving family? Fuck ‘em. Destitute children? Not your problem any more. Mounds of debt? Collect THIS. We say screw the living. At Duggan’s it’s all about the dead—and that’s you.
(Click Pic to enlarge. TWSS)
Would you like a church service? No problem. We’ll cold-ship your carcass free to any church within a 50 mile radius (.78 per mile beyond, plus gas). Ocean lover? We’ll toss you off Duggan’s Dinghy (weather permitting. Additional fee for sandbags). We’ll even build a bonfire at Ocean Beach and send you off with one hell of a wienie roast.
Who says death can’t be a pleasant experience? Why just look at all those smiling faces in our ad (click to engorge). Not a griever in the bunch. Why? Because at Duggan’s your death is our living and we’ll kill ourselves to make your death the most pleasurable experience of your life. We’ll even give you refreshments and prizes. The works!
If you can dream it, we can do it. The only limit is your imagination, your bank account and your still breathing corpse. So stop dreaming and start dying. Today is the last day of the rest of your life!