We have to catch a plane in about five hours but to recap the weekend in one word: Eh. Much ado about nothing.
Sure, the castle was nice and the grub was good (I don't think it's possible to get a bad meal in Italy, but a buffet? Please. (Though seeing J-Lo trying to balance a plate of rigatoni, orange and fennel salad, Torta Mantovan and extra cannolis, was certainly a treat) But I was disappointed that so many B-listers were allowed in; Brooke Shields, the Beckham's (Hey Posh, Area 51 called and they want their hat back), Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy, Jennifer Lopez (yesterday's news) and Marc Anthony (strictly back page news). Will Smith, I will concede is an A-lister but Jada Pinkett's career has been riding his coat tails for years.
I know that many "fans" were disappointed that TomKat did not make an appearance. When I slipped out to grab a smoke I mingled with some of the locals, and more than a few "non-local" wacko's who had traveled great distances in hopes of getting a glimpse of someone or something. There was some languid conversation about the injustice of it all and a few folks who (with my encouragement) staged a halfhearted attempt at storming the castle. But security, as you can imagine, was tight and once a few people were clubbed the mob lost interest and were quick to break ranks. There hearts just weren't in it and my dessert was waiting, so I left them to their fate.
Katie was positively aglow. Never have I seen someone look so radiant while changing a diaper full of swamp mud. I was a little surprised that they opted to have a money dance but I took advantage of the opportunity to shove a five in her Armani brasserie. I think she appreciated the extra padding. The wife, feeling a little more generous, slipped a ten spot in Tom's skivvies. Word from the wife: half a roll of Certs.
So there you go- almost as if you were there right? And you didn't have to endure cocktails with Brooke Shields.